Tv Expert Gifts

'Please stand by -- we have temporarily lost our edge.'

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

Squeezing the Free Press.

'My husband likes to have everything handy during TV commercials.'

"Ooops...wrong doctor !"

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

"Have you tried turning it off and back on?"

If I survive this, I'm reinventing myself as a television pundit.

"We advised viewer discretion and they all decided not to watch."

"You're late."

Come dine with me!

"Another helping of pretentiousness, anyone?"

"And the tech guy said not to worry if I lost my phone. There's an app for that..."

Investment Guru/Lifestyle Guru/Tech Guru/Fashion Guru

Trustworthy Authority.

Andrew Marr

"For the next Christmas party pot luck, let's skip the finger foods."

"When I know he's had a rough day, I always put a few drops of lavender on the TV remote before he gets home."

'It's just that simple. So act now and start barking up the 'right' tree.'

Used to work in the subtitles business but got laid off...

'It may be a waiter's friend, but it certainly isn't yours.'

'Look at the size of this gas bill - you'll have to get rid of some of those celebrity chefs!!'

'The problem isn't your high definition television, it's your low definition eyes.'

"Nice of you to bring wine, but we don't drink anything that sells for under a dollar a gallon."

Death by Television

Building a house.

If I survive this, I'm reinventing myself as a television pundit.

'It doesn't look like high definition TV to me either.'

The problem is not in your set or at the station. That leaves only you, doesn't it?

"The less believable, the more I like the reality show."

'I thinkn a 'V-chip' in TV sets for violence is fine but what I'd really like to see is an 'I' chip for inane programming.'

Adjusting your TV is futile. The fault lies with you.

'He's my smart due. He's going to hand around for a couple weeks, and teach me how to use my new smart phone.'

"Let me tell you something I learned from life as I've experienced it through the media."

"The What It All Comes Down To Show"