Television Expert Gifts

"The What It All Comes Down To Show"

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

Squeezing the Free Press.

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

'If I'd known these programs were going to be so fake - I'd be psychic!'

'My husband likes to have everything handy during TV commercials.'

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

Come dine with me!

"We advised viewer discretion and they all decided not to watch."

If I survive this, I'm reinventing myself as a television pundit.

"Another helping of pretentiousness, anyone?"

Trustworthy Authority.

Nicholas Parsons RIP

Andrew Marr

"For the next Christmas party pot luck, let's skip the finger foods."

"When I know he's had a rough day, I always put a few drops of lavender on the TV remote before he gets home."

'It's just that simple. So act now and start barking up the 'right' tree.'

Used to work in the subtitles business but got laid off...

'Look at the size of this gas bill - you'll have to get rid of some of those celebrity chefs!!'

Larry Grayson.

'It may be a waiter's friend, but it certainly isn't yours.'

'The problem isn't your high definition television, it's your low definition eyes.'

"Nice of you to bring wine, but we don't drink anything that sells for under a dollar a gallon."

Building a house.

I never thought "the meaning of life" would include so many sports metaphors.

If I survive this, I'm reinventing myself as a television pundit.

The problem is not in your set or at the station. That leaves only you, doesn't it?

"The less believable, the more I like the reality show."

Adjusting your TV is futile. The fault lies with you.

'I thinkn a 'V-chip' in TV sets for violence is fine but what I'd really like to see is an 'I' chip for inane programming.'

'Please stand by -- we have temporarily lost our edge.'

'I don't sit here all the time, Mom. Just June through August.'

"Would you say your cough is dry or hair ball producing?"

'After months of soul searching, Frank finally found himself. He was in front of the television all along!'

"Let me tell you something I learned from life as I've experienced it through the media."