Broadcasting Expert Gifts

If I survive this, I'm reinventing myself as a television pundit.

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

Squeezing the Free Press.

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

"We do have on item the internet hasn't already beaten into the ground, ad nauseam."

"I'm bilingual. I can talk to parents and step parents."

"There! Now we're getting somewhere."

I've always been slower than computers...

"People of Earth – can everyone see my screen?"

"... And in Canada today ... nothing happened."

'Our new simplified energy bills just have a few options starting with 'Grossly inflated' and progressing to the premium 'Bloodsucker' package. . .'

The Quack Quack Diaries: The Decline And Fall Of Wolfman Quack

Ian Hislop

'Following your 'barbecue summer' forecast, I'm revising predictions of your contract being reviewed.'

Man from 'National Viewers and Listeners Association sits at work boxes titled; 'Switch on' and 'Switch off'.

"I could afford a degree in broadcast journalism, but not the makeup."

Like.

"We interrupt this advertisement to bring you another advertisement that has just been rushed to the studio."

'Have your people facebook my people.'

Rudy Park Enterprises regrets to announce the end to a brief experiment aimed at combining the popular and irrepressible talk show phenomenon Sadie Cohen with a background beat of powerful and thrilling house music. In fact, our ratings soared during our experiment. Revenue shot up 17.5 percent. Advertisers loved it. Our decision to cancel the experiment in no way reflects any error of management. Rather, it was a raging success reflective of our forward thinking management. In the end, though,

"See! Thousands of new listeners."

'We interrupt this Special Bulletin to give you an even more special bulletin!'

'I wouldn't worry too much about his communication skills....grunting is perfectly normal at his age!'

NEWS WEATHER SPORTS

"And now a word from our sponsors...ratings."

'This has been a Chris Wallace special report -- we now switch you back to Mike Wallace....'

'For the next sixty seconds, this station will totally freak out....'

"This is Matt with your five day forecast, on location."