Tv Commentator In Their Own Mind Gifts

"Look! Look! I could do that and what would I get? Plenty of earache, that's what! And would I deserve it, I'll say! Tsk!"

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

Wifi in Hell

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

'Cartoonist thinking'

Nature is going crazy! Extremely hot summers, tornadoes, floods. . .and now Frank comes home sober on a Friday evening at 10 PM!

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

"But the good news is Trump has broken off diplomatic relations with them only on Twitter..."

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

Sports Radio in Crisis

Sir Patrick Moore.

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

Tree of Public Opinion.

Carl Shurz's attacks on President Grant are 'Played Out'

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

"Can you hear me now?"

And now, for a rebuttal.

Pundits

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross.

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

"As you can see here - slow the tape, guys - these sparks are coming awfully close to the truck's gas tank, an explosive situation indeed..." Every high speed chase needs a color man.

"Actually, we will replace you."

Chess on TV

The United States of Amazement

"This is gonna be great!"

Sportscasters on the Savannah

'Twigs... great, that'll be comfortable.'