Turkey Timorous Gifts

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

Are you the guy who ate my brother?

'It's not what you think. It's not about our liberation.'

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

The great bit pie chart of holiday season dining.

'We can always cook it one half at a time.'

'One of my relatives is coming to Thanksgiving dinner...and one of yours.'

"Talk about close calls! Harry, tell them about last Thanksgiving!"

"I guess it must be that new growth hormone the farmer gave me!"

"Never say you're stuffed!"

"This? It's my Thanksgiving outfit. It's already pre-stained in cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie."

"For keyhole turkey carving we use a 12 mm port in each flank and third in the midline."

'When they start calling you a splendid bird, you know you're in trouble.'

'Haven't you ever heard of warmed up turkey?'

A Dog Is For Life Not Just For Christmas.

'You broke your wishbone. I'd suggest making a wish.'

Turkey Farm Inc: 'And guess what you get for a Christmas bonus?'

'Next year we'll bring the turkey.'

God perfects his turkey design.

Turkey Dinner and gravity

'I'm sleepy all the time.'

Holiday Overkill.

"Hippity hoppity. Easter's on its way."

'I don't know what happened in there, Stanley... But I've completely lost the urge to eat. I mean it - I feel stuffed! Supposed to come back right before thanksgiving for a follow-up though.'

"Don't fall for it! He's just trying to fatten you up for Thanksgiving!"

Ineffective Turkey Disguises