Timely Humor Seeker Gifts

"A book about clocks?"

"Either that's Marmaduke with a lizard's head in front of us, or I really mixed up my meds."

'Whoooa,MAN,check out this STORM! It's PELTING down!'

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

Family members!

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

'Tell me this - did you have this condition before you sat in the jacuzzi for 100 million years?'

"Static cling."

'It's the pink spot, Jim lad - them rascals is going to try and tweak my nipples!'

Unicorn Working From Home

"While you were out, Mr. Sundberg, the little hand went from the one to the three."

Musuem. Galileo did an experiment by dropping cannonballs from the Tower of Pisa. I wonder what he discovered? Personal injury lawsuits!

The End of the World is postponed from 2000 to 2112.

'Goodness, the potholes are deep this year, aren't they?'

Drinking Companions

Shoe repair

Bear who goes drinking instead of hibernating

Chicken Funeral Planning.

'See, there are no people in your closet. Now, go to sleep!'

Nit and Flea picking 'Next please...'

"Wow. I just had a near life experience!"

'The way I see it, with all the talk shows out there, nobody needs a wife!'

Portrait of Shakespeare smoking.

Vampire shaving cut dilemma.

Arabic Thief Salad - lashings of whipped cream...

Pioneers of the ancient west

'You will never require the services of a dating agency.'

Meds Toast

'Honda has recalled the U.S. Sixth Fleet due to leaky sunroofs.'

Ariel prepares for her big date.

If you play this record backwards you can hear xmas carols and heavenly choirs...

"So this bacon in my ear - d'you think it can be cured..?"

Successful killers use gas powered chainsaws only.

Guru Shifted Thinking

'Your heart is slightly larger but that's because you're an animal lover.'