Tunnel Of Love Enthusiast Gifts

"Good news, pal - it's your 50th different date on your punch card, so this ride is free."

'They started out as best friends.'

A small snooker player chalking his cue.

Fishing Tales

The Tale of the Tape of the Tail.

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

"That's right kiddo, I'm one of the original band members of the Musicians of Bremen..."

Paul Bunyan gets the leg-lengthening Operation

'All this is nuthin! There was one yeaw up noth...when it snowed fah two yeaws! I had t'dig down ten feet t'haul in my lobstah traps.'

"You should've seen the triceratops that got away. It had to be this...um...this...uh...well, it was huge."

Men reading Tall Stories, and Short Stories in a Library

"...and the dung was this big!.... No...elephant, actually."

"Yes, I was using my mobile whilst driving... I was calling the police to tell them I was chasing a gang of bank robbers!"

"At long last, Wyatt, our dream has come true and we are within reach of the legendary toast fields of the Sierra Madre."

Lowbrow Lolita

"Pecos Bildungsroman"

A Salmon Lie

Jolly Sailor - Warning: May contain old salts.

Captain Eddie's New Boat:'The insurance company laughed last year when I insisted on adding Kraken coverage.'

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

'He doesn't exaggerate, he just remembers big.'

'That's right kids: I jumped through rings of fire when I was with the Circus!'

'I hate when they do this.'

"So I break free and I swear that hook was this big."

"You look good for your age."

"This is your great-great-uncle Enchilmo Ladas. We called him 'Enchi' for short."

'Women don't simply believe everything we hear, you know.' - 'But that does not stop you repeating it.'

A Tale of the Sea

'Our tuna salad baguettes are this big!'

'He's lying about either a fish or his penis.'

'I don't believe for one minute that an octopus crawled up last night and ate all the coconuts!'

Today's special guest: Rudy Park. Author of the bestselling memoir iMac Therefore I Am. Raised by rabid chimps in the desert, Rudy went on to invent the computer, and date Paris Hilton. Such an inspiring tale, young man. I made it all up. And so honest, too. Let me come clean!

"Hopefully, the 7-foot guy is on our side."

"In your original statement, you said the fish was much bigger."

'Sure, Dog Shows can be stressful, but I just love the time and attention Master gives me while preparing for them...'