Tsa Humorist Gifts

'Nobody ever before had took much notice of Granny's homemade flour-sack bloomers.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

'So what are you studying, young man?'

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding as written and as it would have been written if David Hume had invested in a word processor,

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

"I've thought about retiring, but there's a great deal of gravity under this chair."

'There are no stupid questions, so let's also agree there are no stupid answers.'

Peer-reviewed journal publication.

Physicists disputing whether the clock moves backwards or forwards according to season change.

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

'..The wolves have got the sheep pinned against their own 1-yard line again!'

Professor McWit, crushed by an avalanche of Philosophy 101 texts, proves again that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

By the year 2500, 1 in 10 academics will devote their entire career to divining the meaning of the word 'sussudio'.

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

Old men,"I have terrible trouble with my joints..the cannabis keeps falling out."

Reviewing a Scientific Paper - Etiquette for References.

'Oh that?... It has nothing to do with the formula; it just makes the whole thing seem less grumpy.'

Digital TV presents "It's true there really is a channel for everyone"

"Although your discovery is very important, the consensus is that your article about it lacked suspense, and was completely devoid of humor."

"...They must be poor catchers, there's two men behind the plate."

"Eureka! The key of H!"

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."