Theater Humorist Gifts

Tonight: Ballet featuring Ernie. I think we've just witnessed the pollution of Swan Lake.

You didn't tell me it was iTheatre...

Keep your feet on the floor or on the other patrons, but not on the seats,please.

'Jeez! That is one stinky ass!'

Peter

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Copycats

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

I will study my speling words...

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

Outer Space Outsourcing

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

Dog Walking Services

"When is my next parole hearing?"

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK