Stage Performer Humorist Gifts

How To Saw A Woman In Half Manual

"Canadian Mt. ‘Rush’more"

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

Modern Major General

Schrodinger's Black Box

"The Eggsorcist"

"This next one is my own quirky rendition of Berlioz's 'Symphonie Fantastique,' Movement 5, 'Dream of a Witches' Sabbath.'"

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

Radiator jazz player

Drummer

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"Not now, my love. I'm feeling preminstrel."

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

Elevator Music

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Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

The Phantom Of The Garden

"They'll be expecting adagio. Go with the allegro."

Guitar pickin'

Opera singer singing to her partner who is wearing a gas mask on due to her bad breath.

Waiter in resturant sawing violin.

'PHWOAR! You should have seen her rear end when she sat on the piano. . . played 'TINK' and 'BOOM' at the same time!'

Rap-scallions

Berta screams out!

'I'm not a magician, but I do keep live doves in my pants.'

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

Pay me not to pay 'Wonderwall'

"Who is 'coming around the mountain,' John? Could it be your mother?"

Double Saxophone

"There will be a Q&A...but in this era of Trump I will be insulting anyone whose questions I don't like."

"Beans, Them Beans, Them Beans, Beans, Beans..."

Edward Elgar.