Stage Performer Humorist Pillows

How To Saw A Woman In Half Manual

"Canadian Mt. ‘Rush’more"

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

Modern Major General

"This next one is my own quirky rendition of Berlioz's 'Symphonie Fantastique,' Movement 5, 'Dream of a Witches' Sabbath.'"

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

"The Eggsorcist"

Schrodinger's Black Box

"Not now, my love. I'm feeling preminstrel."

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

Drummer

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

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"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

Elevator Music

The Phantom Of The Garden

"They'll be expecting adagio. Go with the allegro."

Guitar pickin'

Opera singer singing to her partner who is wearing a gas mask on due to her bad breath.

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

Waiter in resturant sawing violin.

Rap-scallions

Berta screams out!

'I'm not a magician, but I do keep live doves in my pants.'

'PHWOAR! You should have seen her rear end when she sat on the piano. . . played 'TINK' and 'BOOM' at the same time!'

"Who is 'coming around the mountain,' John? Could it be your mother?"

Pay me not to pay 'Wonderwall'

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

Double Saxophone

"There will be a Q&A...but in this era of Trump I will be insulting anyone whose questions I don't like."

"Beans, Them Beans, Them Beans, Beans, Beans..."

Edward Elgar.

All Les's dreams of stardom were coming true, and he'd only played one note.