Spectacle Humorist Pillows

'Men tell me that without my glasses, I'm incredible!' 'Without my glasses, you are ...incredible!'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

"Canadian Mt. ‘Rush’more"

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

Modern Major General

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Schrodinger's Black Box

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"This next one is my own quirky rendition of Berlioz's 'Symphonie Fantastique,' Movement 5, 'Dream of a Witches' Sabbath.'"

"The Eggsorcist"

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"Right now Arnold Schwarzenegger is doing sit-ups."

Radiator jazz player

Drummer

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"Not now, my love. I'm feeling preminstrel."

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

The Phantom Of The Garden

"They'll be expecting adagio. Go with the allegro."