Theatre Humorist Pillows

'It's a Drama right? I would be great for the part: I can cry on command!'

Hagen

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Copycats

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

I will study my speling words...

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

"When is my next parole hearing?"

"Even the waiters here are organic."

Outer Space Outsourcing

Dog Walking Services

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

Jurassic Parking Lot