Tsa Agents Gifts

'It is part of the security upgrade.'

'Due to budget cuts, all agents will now be equipped with x-ray glasses.'

'Sure, it's an improvement. But I guess we'll need to get to the airport a lot earlier from now on...'

"Technically, he has enough flyer miles."

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

UK border controls relaxed.

'The fun begins when we go through airport security.'

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

'Where was the TSA?'

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

Statue of Liberty with satellite dish and laptop spying on the World.

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

'We're looking for somebody to work on our new top secret project. Can you tell me what kind of experience you have?'

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

'Yes I'm sure we can find an opening for you, Mr Smith!'

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"With the fortune we have spent in technology, informers and spies around the world, how is it possible that you still haven't found where the heck is Wally?"

Meet Santa's entourage

Snow White and her Seven people.

'Because I'm so sick of those movies, now go get me a romantic comedy.'

"Hacking and eavesdropping are my top skills. I guess you could say I'm a good listener."

"I'm retired now - since I sold my 'know when you're naughty or nice' technology to NSA last year."

'Michelle's Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms'

'Therapy in L.A.'

'Oh, the guru is up on the next peak -- I'm his agent.'

"Thank you for holding. . .Your call is important to us. . .Yeah right."

'One carry-on!'

"Yes, Your Honor. I am Mr. Brandon, Mr. Shindelbower's attorney, along with his agent and publicist."

"It seems our precious three year old hacked into the White House with his playtime computer!"

"Sure, pat down strangers all day, but I ask for one little hug..."

"I can't stop conducting random security checks."

Frontex

'Jenkins won the health savings award with his suggestion that we have our employee hernia checks done at the airport by TSA agents.'

"It's marzipan pigs."

"I don't know if it's NSA, FBI, IRS, or nosy neighbor."