Atf Agent Gifts

Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives.

'The fun begins when we go through airport security.'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

'Where was the TSA?'

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

Henry the amazing talking dog.

Enterpe, Terpsichore, Calliope, and Bernie, their agent.

Japanese Whaling

'We're looking for somebody to work on our new top secret project. Can you tell me what kind of experience you have?'

"And what else do you think you can bring to the role of Edmund, Earl of Gloucester?"

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

Attack of the Underwear Bomber

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

'Yes I'm sure we can find an opening for you, Mr Smith!'

CIA, 'Confound it, Ruggles -- we're SUPPOSED to be worrywarts'

"With the fortune we have spent in technology, informers and spies around the world, how is it possible that you still haven't found where the heck is Wally?"

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

Sid Sinatra.

"Well, I have an opening in Cloverdale Mall ... let me hear you say Ho Ho Ho."

Meet Santa's entourage

Snow White and her Seven people.

'Because I'm so sick of those movies, now go get me a romantic comedy.'

"Hacking and eavesdropping are my top skills. I guess you could say I'm a good listener."

"Sorry, you're not cut out to be a mime artist."

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

"Er. . . anything else?"

"I'm thinking action roles might not really be your thing."

THEATRICAL AGENCY, 'We have an opening to do some commercials - How'd you like to be the LEAST interesting man in the world?'

Expanded Limited Investigation

Employment Agency. I didn't hire him -- Those bipedal guys are are afraid to get their hands dirty.

"You played yourself in your last picture. Everyone found it unconvincing."

'Michelle's Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms'