Trendy Eater Gifts

Popeye Switches to Kale.

"I plant the kale back there to keep hipsters out of the good stuff!"

"I was the first one to work completely gluten free."

Mother Nature's Health Foods

"It's over between kale and me -- I've moved onto sorrel."

"Yuppies! There goes the hood!"

"I broke it off with him when I realized his love of quinoa was but a sham."

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"I'll have the drum an sea bass, the house salad and the techno nachos!"

"Can I get this to go in an organic, locally recycled, eco-friendly doggie bag?"

Spontaneous Kombucha

"There must be a place we can wait on line for an hour before eating."

"That's very offensive."

Haute Chinese

Hoxton map.

I'd like a mocha almond vanilla latte...hold the coffee.

"Who's been nibbling at my kale house?"

"Brooklyn is the Manhattan of the other boroughs."

"I love blue Martinis. It's like the fifties and the nineties all mixed up together."

"Wheatgrass is highly effective at neutralizing joy."

"What's trending?"

Can I get you another coffee?

Back To School Supplies.

Avacados

Pop up hell

I confess, I'm one of the bloggers that's hurting the journalism business. You? I blog stories about my local community. You have journalistic training? Of course. I've spent years watching Shepard Smith and Montel Williams. The visitor wept with respect. Shoot me.

"This is sort of my little homage to the American farm woman."

"I wonder if you folks are aware that black cod is this year's Chilean sea bass?"

How very Balham!

"Vinyl records? Actually, wax cylinders are where it's at now."

"People don't care what they're eating as long as they're the first ones to eat it."

'These kids today look absolutely ridiculous.'

"It's fast-casual."

Weird shaped bread and a French baguette.