Trendy Eaters Gifts

"What's trending?"

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

"Is the MSG local?"

Queen of Quinoa

"Yuppies! There goes the hood!"

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

Spontaneous Kombucha

"That's very offensive."

"There must be a place we can wait on line for an hour before eating."

Upper East Side Dog Park

I'd like a mocha almond vanilla latte...hold the coffee.

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

"Who's been nibbling at my kale house?"

"Wheatgrass is highly effective at neutralizing joy."

"Bingo, it's the hippy lady again! She always throws something interesting: last week it was honey-beer bread..."

"I think you'd be surprised by how simple this avocado toast recipe is."

"I'll have the crescent-crab 'purses' and the smoked duck 'hash' – hold the quotation marks."

Popeye Switches to Kale.

"I was the first one to work completely gluten free."

'To authenticate this recipe, first purchase a Soil Association accredited small holding in an unspoilt and exclusive locale, steadily add copious illustrated puff pieces to the nation press and plug. . .'

"I broke it off with him when I realized his love of quinoa was but a sham."

"What's upscale today, Joey?"

"Where can I find your organic, locally raised children?"

"Avocado...t-toast..."

Avacados

"Says here tiny houses are the hot new trend. Didn't I always tell you we're ahead of our time, Doris?"

Pop up hell

"I wonder if you folks are aware that black cod is this year's Chilean sea bass?"

I confess, I'm one of the bloggers that's hurting the journalism business. You? I blog stories about my local community. You have journalistic training? Of course. I've spent years watching Shepard Smith and Montel Williams. The visitor wept with respect. Shoot me.

"Everything on the menu can be prepared with no gluten, standard gluten or extra gluten."

"People don't care what they're eating as long as they're the first ones to eat it."

Big Turmeric

"It's fast-casual."

"There's kale in every dish here - buy you don't even taste it."