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Jean Ripping Service

La Table

Two women wearing identical dresses head toward exchange window at department store.

Men's business romper.

Emergency Hipster Beard

Rap music

"I'll have the drum an sea bass, the house salad and the techno nachos!"

'At least we look cool. Especially with the wind chill factor.'

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

Old hippie gives peace sign.

"Well, the alternative would be to use your social media accounts to promote toothlessness."

Meticulously prepared, locally sourced food served on artifacts of a romanticized industrial past, by people who take their fashion cues from daguerreotypes, to adults whose parents still pay their rent.

Peak Beard/High Peak Beard

Maria had always said you could never have too many shoes. Actually, she was wrong.

'It's a chinstache. They were popular in the 1800's, but now they're coming back.'

"I'm looking for something that says country-but-only-an-hour-and-a-half-drive-from-the-city."

"Give me something that shows I'm hip AND fiscally responsible."

"Honey, you know the rules. No cashmere before you're 15, no leather outerwear before you're 25."

'I can't go in there now, I'll look ridiculous.'

"If I hear the word ‘mindfulness’ one more time, I swear I’m gonna lose it."

Jeans sale

Wearing all black

Can I get you another coffee?

Back To School Supplies.

Fashionista

'Your father says he'll stop wearing his pants like that when you do.'

'This'll get more attention than that silly salad they named after you.'

"What's trending?"

"I'm on Fendi and Prada, and heading toward Louis."