Treadmill Jokers Gifts

'If I get dizzy, and pass out there's a cherry danish in my lunch box.'

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

'Honestly, dear, I'm just giving my pedometer a rest.'

"I hate this time of year."

"Why settle for itsy-bitsy when you could be swole as hell?"

"Our new treadmill is easy to use, you just set it to the speed setting that's most comfortable for you."

"All those years of dodging taxes and chasing investment yield have kept me in top shape, right?"

Olympic Torch Training

"Susan! The Johnson's dog is chasing me while I'm jogging again!"

'If you plan to run a half-marathon you won't want a stopwatch, you'll need a calendar!'

The trick to losing weight is to eat a small portion and wait 10 minutes. By then your resolve has caught up with your appetite!

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

Musclesnakes just swallow the dumbbells.

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

Gym: Back and Forth or Going Nowhere.

'I'm pretty sure this thing wasn't a @$#%& health hazard when I was drying my underwear on it!'

'I understand the concept, sir, but I think I'd do better if it were a donut.'

A person seeking truth walks on a treadmill.

Caution: high speed treadmill, hole in wall behind it

"It's improv night."

'Do you feel the burn?', 'Yes -- in fact, I think my pancreas is scorched.'

"I agree, it is important to look good, but wearing high heels during a workout may be a little counter productive."

At the baby oil factory.

"At least you made it into the hallway."

'When did the treadmill replace the rat race?'

'I need to lose enough pounds to take a thirty-five meal cruise!'

"Cruz! Are you eyeballin’ me? Eyes shut during savasana! You hear me? Lance, get up and give me 10 headstand pushups to help Cruz here shut her eyes."

I think when they talk about 'taking more excercise' they meant more than lifting the remote control.