Treadmill Jokers T-Shirts

'If I get dizzy, and pass out there's a cherry danish in my lunch box.'

"OK, ready to go again?"

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

'Honestly, dear, I'm just giving my pedometer a rest.'

Tortoise and hare on treadmills.

"I hate this time of year."

'His 5 hour energy drink timed out. If only he had taken it 3 seconds later.'

" ... and if we finish pillaging early enough, we can still catch the evening Zumba class on the after deck."

"Our new treadmill is easy to use, you just set it to the speed setting that's most comfortable for you."

"All those years of dodging taxes and chasing investment yield have kept me in top shape, right?"

"Why settle for itsy-bitsy when you could be swole as hell?"

"Susan! The Johnson's dog is chasing me while I'm jogging again!"

Olympic Torch Training

No caption (A lumberjack runs on a rolling log in a machine built like a treadmill).

"You're doing great - keep it up."

'If you plan to run a half-marathon you won't want a stopwatch, you'll need a calendar!'

Musclesnakes just swallow the dumbbells.

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

'I'm pretty sure this thing wasn't a @$#%& health hazard when I was drying my underwear on it!'

Gym: Back and Forth or Going Nowhere.

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

The trick to losing weight is to eat a small portion and wait 10 minutes. By then your resolve has caught up with your appetite!

'I understand the concept, sir, but I think I'd do better if it were a donut.'

A person seeking truth walks on a treadmill.

Caution: high speed treadmill, hole in wall behind it

"It's improv night."

'Do you feel the burn?', 'Yes -- in fact, I think my pancreas is scorched.'

"I agree, it is important to look good, but wearing high heels during a workout may be a little counter productive."

"Cruz! Are you eyeballin’ me? Eyes shut during savasana! You hear me? Lance, get up and give me 10 headstand pushups to help Cruz here shut her eyes."

"At least you made it into the hallway."

At the baby oil factory.

Gym. Trainer. What's with this "burning calories"? Why can't we just lightly toast them?

"Why did you just dump my kiwi-colada smoothie on my head?" "I'm glad you (huff) asked." "Studies (huff) show that sitting all (huff) day long behind a desk leads (huff) to obesity, sickness, (huff) toe-swelling (huff) and an early, (huff) excruciating (huff) death." "So more (huff) and more (huff) office workers are using (huff) standing desks (huff) with treadmills." "Have you ever (huff) tried handing someone (huff) a smoothie while running (huff) on a treadmill?" "They walk. ...walk."

'I need to lose enough pounds to take a thirty-five meal cruise!'