Travelers' Trials Gifts

Tempers fray after a little delay at Little Dabney halt

"The GPS works great, we have satellite TV installed, the Sirius stereo sounds fantastic and our every move is tracked by Qualcomm. But could you turn around? I left me iphone at the house. . ."

A treasure map shows you all the roads without tolls.

"Oh indeed I did: I went feral for a year when I was young. It taught me a lot about the world, but about myself too..."

I love Lawyers

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

'You want a quick read? How about this one: 'Memoirs of an Amnesic'?'

"Bailiff."

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

"Legs together, David -- You're hamspreading again."

Vaccination Passport

Remember, it's about the journey, not the destination. But sure, I'll keep an eye out for a rest area.

"We'll get there when we get there!"

Lenin, Anticipating His Arrival at Finland Station, Sees His Baggage Taken Off at Beloostrov.

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

Injured backpacker.

"Mr. McMurdo has been called 'guilty as the day is long.' And yet, do not biblical scholars tell us a day can mean many things?"

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

'Calm down...it's probably just another mirage.'

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Aye, but this is the Cairngorms laddie. That'll be �1.15p."

A white collar cow.

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"Your driver will arrive in 4...9...17 minutes after three accidental loops around the airport."

"Just one more outburst and I can have this chicken tenderized."

Billy strip: comic will make you sick.

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

'He started it!'

"Let me tell you, folks—I've been around long enough to develop an instinct for these things, and my client is innocent or I'm very much mistaken."

"You've traveled all this way just to score some pot? Okay—How much do you want?"

When travelling with her cat by plane, train, or bus, dawn always ensured no one would bother them.

"Twenty five years! But your honor,