Trash-tackling Treadmill Hero Gifts

A man running on a treadmill covered in trash and broken needles

"OK, ready to go again?"

"I put the speed on reckless. . ."

Children jumping onto mattress in PE.

Beijing Olympics - Treadmill.

Fast Food Dieter

Olympic Torch Training

"Susan! The Johnson's dog is chasing me while I'm jogging again!"

"Our new treadmill is easy to use, you just set it to the speed setting that's most comfortable for you."

"All those years of dodging taxes and chasing investment yield have kept me in top shape, right?"

The trick to losing weight is to eat a small portion and wait 10 minutes. By then your resolve has caught up with your appetite!

"Still on your left."

Fitness Course.

'I told you she could get them all in under a minute. Now pay up.'

A person seeking truth walks on a treadmill.

Caution: high speed treadmill, hole in wall behind it

"It's improv night."

Fitness in church.

Executive fitness.

'Dress it up any way you want, it's still just doing laundry.'

Giant sandwich bags.

"I was thinking, maybe karate isn't for me. Tio Ruben was a golden glove boxer. Maybe I can take up boxing! You don't know anything about boxing, do you, Tia Carmen?"

"Damn speed hump!"

At the baby oil factory.

Academy.

A cat looks confident about balancing on the beam.

'If I get dizzy, and pass out there's a cherry danish in my lunch box.'

'I'd like to participate in gym class, but I'm afraid I'll get overheated and contribute to the global warming problem.'

"I can't for the life of me remember which recycling bin is which?"

"Athlete? No. Ambulance chaser."

'This drill has nothing to do with football. I just like humiliating the players.'

Tred carefully mill.

JOE'S BAR: Treadmill available: relax, while it walks your dog'

I told you to take the stairs instead of elevators. Taking escalators isn't meeting me halfway. (Published originally on March 27, 2009.)

"This is my life lately. . . always running and getting nowhere!"