Transmission Specialist Gifts

Ralph's Transmission: Now Hiring All Shifts.

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

'I solved the problem of dead zones on my cell phone with a personal satellite,'

"Take me to your mechanic."

'I know we're inchworms, but let's get into the spirit of this! Change is good!'

Ruddy bloggers!

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

'Now that we've learned to talk, maybe we should establish some speech codes.'

'Stop emailing me, I am standing right here.'

"I've tracked our GPS coordinates over the past week dad. Well, we're roaming the plains alright!"

'Hi! I'm on the tree.'

"Miss Duxbury, put me through to someone."

'I can't read their smoke signal. It's encrypted.'

'My father is very hard to communicate with ? he only knows nouns and interjections.'

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

Birds on a wire, "Bernie?...Oh he's gone cable!"

"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."

"And if all else fails, wave your arms frantically."

'What's the concept? I'm not sure what you're trying to say, Ms. Harris.'

"Oh...Hi Bob, listen buddy, I'm in a meeting right now, I'll Caw you back."

'So you still can't get a sound engineer then?'

"There will be a Q&A...but in this era of Trump I will be insulting anyone whose questions I don't like."

"And that, gentlemen, is the Friday 4.55 pm Bad News Email Dump."

"Sorry, eighty is not the new sixty-five."

Do your emails stand out from the rest?

"I love my new texting app, it automatically selects peoples preferred pronouns."

"How about this? We carpet the road and use the resultant static electricity to power our electric cars."

"You've got to be kidding. I finally start getting the hang of those traffic circles, and now this!"

This reader asks, "Dear Dr. Ernie, is it true that most people need to improve their listening skills?" Sure, I enjoy the glistening hills.

'What does the internet have against my people?'

'Read ALL about IT! While we're STILL in Circulation!'

"I just tweeted a chirp."

"Dadgum this color blindness."

Plain English group.

"Hi..just ringing to see if you got my e-mail?"