Trainspotter Humor Gifts

'It's late!...I can only hope late enough.'

Supermarket: Leafs, Rail Leafs

'Just to let you know I'm on the train.'

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

Save Our Universe

'Have you been waiting long?'

"You know that moon was passed a minute ago?..."

Pile of top secret files on a train. Man saying 'Is that seat free'

"You say that using a colicky horse to pull you out of the mud may actually help his colic?"

'You know, there's no need to reinvent the rock.'

Latest Railway Marvel.

"'COST: shedloads, COMPLETION DATE: God knows.' Perhaps you'd care to flesh out some details for us."

"The little engine that shoulda coulda woulda."

Metropolitan Prize Puzzles.

Cool Z enters his minimalist period.

"Hey! I was trained in 1948 and was good enough for then, so it's good enough for now....whipper-snapper!"

'It will bring economic benefits to the North and Midlands.'

"Conjoined twins were born in a bed on a passenger train. They were separated at berth."

A railway station covered in advertising.

'Quicker to cycle anyway, mate...'

Underground stop on desert island.

Pirated mirrors.

Train Of Thought

"Sorry we're late - our train was delayed!"

'Mars will have an oxygen atmosphere within six months. We just sent a payload of Kudzu there.'

"Sure he's handsome. . . But I've heard he's hung like a human."

Man met with a horse instead of a carriage at the railway station

'If you want to know the exact fare you need to buy a ticket. Our prices are linked to the FTSE 100.'

"Where did this thing come from? It's a major trip hazard if you ask me!"

'Broken down! Mr. Stephenson mend it sir, mend it, its not rocket science.'

The Bi-Polar Express.

"Captain...I'm detecting Hemorrhoids off our starboard bow."

No, I don't remember Adlestrop, 'cos we shot through at 200mph on HS2.