Trainspotter Humor Gifts

'It's late!...I can only hope late enough.'

Supermarket: Leafs, Rail Leafs

'Just to let you know I'm on the train.'

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

Man, my cat sneaks into the weirdest spots.

Save Our Universe

'Have you been waiting long?'

"You know that moon was passed a minute ago?..."

Pile of top secret files on a train. Man saying 'Is that seat free'

"You say that using a colicky horse to pull you out of the mud may actually help his colic?"

'You know, there's no need to reinvent the rock.'

Latest Railway Marvel.

"'COST: shedloads, COMPLETION DATE: God knows.' Perhaps you'd care to flesh out some details for us."

"The little engine that shoulda coulda woulda."

"Hey! I was trained in 1948 and was good enough for then, so it's good enough for now....whipper-snapper!"

Cool Z enters his minimalist period.

Metropolitan Prize Puzzles.

"Conjoined twins were born in a bed on a passenger train. They were separated at berth."

'It will bring economic benefits to the North and Midlands.'

A railway station covered in advertising.

"This is where you'll be sleeping."

'Quicker to cycle anyway, mate...'

Pirated mirrors.

"Sure he's handsome. . . But I've heard he's hung like a human."

Train Of Thought

'If you want to know the exact fare you need to buy a ticket. Our prices are linked to the FTSE 100.'

'Mars will have an oxygen atmosphere within six months. We just sent a payload of Kudzu there.'

Underground stop on desert island.

"Sorry we're late - our train was delayed!"

Man met with a horse instead of a carriage at the railway station

"Where did this thing come from? It's a major trip hazard if you ask me!"

'Broken down! Mr. Stephenson mend it sir, mend it, its not rocket science.'

No, I don't remember Adlestrop, 'cos we shot through at 200mph on HS2.

Caveman Dictionaries

"Captain...I'm detecting Hemorrhoids off our starboard bow."