Trainspotter Chuckler Gifts

101 uses of a dead cat: coupling

"The subwoofers really help."

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

Supermarket: Leafs, Rail Leafs

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

People on the train reading each other's books - only it's the same as their own.

'The doctor will be right with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

Father Sinead takes confession.... "You did F%!&>$G what, you C%*T!"

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

'I make certain all my clients are pessimists...they don't expect to win.'

'It's late!...I can only hope late enough.'

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

'Those new airport scanners can see through clothes!'

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

Man sees line of priests entering Mass Transit Authority.

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

"Gesundheit!"

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

'Hey buddy, what happened to your hair?'

'Bless you!'

'I say we rendition the snow to Guantanamo!'

I brought two #1 pencils.

'Time's up, chuckles.'

All Day Parking $1. Leave keys. It may be necessary to move your car to a more convenient spot.

J-J-JOE'S B-B-BAR, 'Actually, Joe's done pretty well for a guy with a speech impediment.'

"...nineteen, twenty. Ready or not, here I come!"

Delayed 1840- from Darlington (the Rocket).

-What did the carrot say to the onion? -What? -Nothing, vegetables don't talk!