Training Ninja Gifts

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

I quilt therefore I am

"Hi-yah!"

"Can we please just stick to the core business?"

Fitness Programme for babies

'I see you're still trying to get the staff enthused over the weekly meetings.' (Meeting offers free coffee, free snacks, eye-popping charts, exciting videos and free idea pads).

Batman's Baby

"Turtling: When a child's backpack exceeds his weight"

"I'm so good at this!"

Good Luck!

'Honey, what's wrong?! Why are you crying?'

'Oooh, Jimmy, the teacher put another throwing star on your paper! Great!'

"I've heard of being organized, but isn't this a little obsessive compulsive?"

Mega Cosmic Films. It's about a squad of ninja nuns? Yes, we call it "Force of Habit"!

"Now, Mrs. Stevens, go to work, relax, and leave the social engineering to us."

"We need a better piling system."

"Building a ninja-attracting business culture is easy. Keeping them focused on equity-based financial analysis? Not so easy."

'When the school upgraded its operating system, for the third time, I upgraded my headache medicine from over-the-counter to prescription strength.'

Meet the People of the Internet

'I know I can train them to be thoughtful productive citizens if I can ever get past sit.'

"Do as many study days as you can."

We're very disappointed. We thought the nanny had raised you better than this.

"Wanna swap?"

"Ohhh... He's out all right!"

"Sit!"

'I was thinking acupuncture might cure his laziness. . .'

'No, I won't show you where the self-help books are!'

"I'm afraid your test results aren't good. For a start, the capital of Rwanda is Kigali and you put Nairobi."

'It's hard to believe that at home, she's a mommy.'

"I am a ninja rabbit. I am stealth personified. I am one of the unseen. I am now invisible...Darn."

Be the grass...

Because bubble wrap made it hard to sneak up on their targets, ninjas eventually switched to their familiar black outfits.

'I wouldn't do that if I were you, mister. This saloon is made entirely of ninjas.'

"He'll never be good enough to snatch this pebble from my hand."