Trainee Gifts

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

'He still hasn't got the hang of it.'

"Oh, don't worry. Typical beginner's mistake."

'So you don't mind starting at the bottom!'

'Virtual patient.'

'Here's where you'll work! I know it's confusing, however we will have paid training for you.'

"Not to worry, what I lack in talent, I make up for in speed."

'Yeah, I've got the new guy working on table wines. He seems to be getting the hang of it.'

Manager reading The Little Trainee That Could: 'I think I can, I think I can...'

"I want you to learn Simpson's job, but not from Simpson."

'Oh don't mind him - he's just a great big teddy bear.'

"You'll be on a leash for the first eight months of your training."

He's working his way up to lions!

'Our clientele is middle class; you know, your average Joe-750ml.'

'For enlightenment, you'll have to see the Guru up there - I'm just the INTERN.'

"Trainee Baristas Queue Here"

Do as many study days as you can

"Sorry, it’s my first day."

STRIP Hambone: Training wheels on a computer

Grocer's school teaching bad spellings.

"...what I lack in talent, I make up for in speed."

'No, Johnny - first you punch the airholes, and then you put in the hamster!'

'I'd like you meet Toby. Toby is doing a gap year with us before going to Cambridge.'

"Because, Malcolm, you haven't earned your stripes."

"But the good news is that if you get a life threatening illness...then you'd get a decent payout."

'Or there's a budget treatment with one of our trainees...'

Practice Makes Perfect

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

"You must be the newly qualified driver."

"As a rookie, I'm finding one of the hardest things to get used to is older people calling me 'sir.'"

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

"And if all else fails, wave your arms frantically."

"If you do well in your first practicum, you can move on to teaching real children."

'I was a junior doctor when I started this shift.'

Orthopedics. Pediatrics. Stuff they never taught your in nursing school.