Traffic Tactician Gifts

"O.K., O.K., let's take the F.D.R."

Shoot, I need to get over a lane.

'You were speeding.' - 'That's right. To get away from reckless drivers.'

Cars with cycles on roof are overtaken by cyclist with car on his back.

"It was probably a mistake to have cut him off on the Major Deegan."

M25 traffic goes one way - 'The new scheme is almost flawless, we've just got to work out how to make the buggers turnaround.'

Oz in a Congestion Charge zone.

'Should I try a three point turn?' - 'Better not, we only have 30 minutes left.'

A crowded expressway with two signs; one reads "Cross City Expressway" the other reads "Viable Alternative".

Martian Rovers find proof of intelligent life on the red planet.

You can only get hit from the rear!

New Year's Resolutions for Angelenos

The bus home.

Traffic - is there a way out?

Slow Heroes

"In two miles, psychologically prepare yourself to make a left across four lanes of incoming traffic."

Some people never have a problem finding parking.

Driver under frustration - no parking, speed humps, speed cameras and petrol price signs.

"I've got a rare, front-row parking spot. I know I can't stay here during the holidays, but I'm allowed to dream."

“Sweet mother of Marmaduke... no!”

"Memo to self - personalise new work-station."

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

'So far, sir, we've rejected plans A,B, C, D, E, F, and right now we're evaluating'G'.'

"Sorry, eighty is not the new sixty-five."

"Dadgum this color blindness."

Safest Airline in The World

"Miss. Wilcox, get me the coast."

Human males marking territory.

'Boy, look at his personal space!'

Manager. Managing a political campaign and a baseball team are alike in many ways. A campaign is launched with a "first pitch," when a candidate gives a speech selling himself or herself. I change pitchers based on the game situation. In politics and baseball, sometimes it's best to come from the right side and sometimes it's best to come from the left side. We study our competitors' weaknesses and exploit those. In politics we call that "opposition research." And I don't worry about the

'Thank you colonel we'll keep your strategy in mind.'

"3 ounce liquids! Get your 3 ounce liquids here! Approved and ready for screening! 3 ounce liquids!"

"I know I told you to fool him into thinking you've got nothing left, but now you've got me convinced."

'Sir, our sales force has just taken Atlanta.'

I've left your pin on the map, but I've loosened it.