Traditional Recipe Guardian Gifts

"You betrayed her trust. You added spices to her soup. In Tia Carmen's eyes, you are an irresponsible youngster...and I don't blame her for doing this."

Night of the Latkes

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

"Yo - I'm way overdone in here!"

"I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it 'Letter Rip!'"

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'Is this still America?'

"No, Mother, I don't think Julian Assange is going to leak your recipe for fruitcake."

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

Grandma's caf

Witches of Instagram

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

"I bet you can't name one person who makes a better lengua casserole than me!"

'I never knew baking was such a violent activity. You have to beat the eggs, whip the cream, and mash the nuts.'

"Wait a minute- these are just the ten commandments of perfect mashed potatoes."

"Tastes great, less killing!"

"Well, there's your problem right there -- you need to sauté the onions in white wine before adding the ginger."

"If you're such an expert, you cook the lobster next time."

"Welcome to the Short Staffed Cafe serving food like your grandma cooked. Is your grandma busy? We really need a cook."

Never use a cookbook written by a mystery book author. You never know how things will turn out!

A boxing match between Apple Brown Betty and Apple Pan Dowdy

'Eggs, I'm cooking eggs!'

"It's good to see that... ...Tia Carmen teaching Gracie valuable family traditions passed down through the generations."

"My compliments to Mummy!"

'I told you I only cook with my mother's Italian spices. She just left Naples and should be here with them in about eight hours.'

Stand back - while I whip something up

"Do you like eye of newt in your Mac 'n' Cheese?"

Recipes.

'Why bother recreating the 5,000-year-old recipe fo the ancient Egyptians, when there's already one that old at the back of the fridge?'

'I can't make dinner right now - I'm installing new software.'

Rat Hair: Peanut Butter Ingredient.

"I dreamed that butter and sugar and eggs came back, and we all made cookies."

'I googled it Mom. There's no such thing as McLiver and onions.'