Traditional Recipes Gifts

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

Night of the Latkes

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

"Yo - I'm way overdone in here!"

Full English Breakfast.

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it 'Letter Rip!'"

Grandma's caf

'Is this still America?'

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

Witches of Instagram

"I bet you can't name one person who makes a better lengua casserole than me!"

'I never knew baking was such a violent activity. You have to beat the eggs, whip the cream, and mash the nuts.'

"If you're such an expert, you cook the lobster next time."

"Tastes great, less killing!"

"Wait a minute- these are just the ten commandments of perfect mashed potatoes."

"Well, there's your problem right there -- you need to sauté the onions in white wine before adding the ginger."

"Welcome to the Short Staffed Cafe serving food like your grandma cooked. Is your grandma busy? We really need a cook."

"My compliments to Mummy!"

"You betrayed her trust. You added spices to her soup. In Tia Carmen's eyes, you are an irresponsible youngster...and I don't blame her for doing this."

'I told you I only cook with my mother's Italian spices. She just left Naples and should be here with them in about eight hours.'

Never use a cookbook written by a mystery book author. You never know how things will turn out!

'Eggs, I'm cooking eggs!'

Stand back - while I whip something up

'Grandma makes everything from scratch! Why don't you ever buy any scratch?'

Recipes.

'Why bother recreating the 5,000-year-old recipe fo the ancient Egyptians, when there's already one that old at the back of the fridge?'

"Do you like eye of newt in your Mac 'n' Cheese?"

Garlic, the wonderful stinking rose.

'I can't make dinner right now - I'm installing new software.'

Rat Hair: Peanut Butter Ingredient.

'I googled it Mom. There's no such thing as McLiver and onions.'

'Fruitcake, pfefferneusse, we'd like you to consider early retirement.'

"It's Brooklyn clam chowder - you got a problem with that?"