Grandma's Recipe Warrior Gifts

A boxing match between Apple Brown Betty and Apple Pan Dowdy

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

"No, Mother, I don't think Julian Assange is going to leak your recipe for fruitcake."

"Was there a photo in the recipe book? I'd love to see what it's meant to look like."

"I couldn't have made my family recipe raisin date nut cake with it's secret ingredient without Jimmy's help."

"Welcome to the Short Staffed Cafe serving food like your grandma cooked. Is your grandma busy? We really need a cook."

"You betrayed her trust. You added spices to her soup. In Tia Carmen's eyes, you are an irresponsible youngster...and I don't blame her for doing this."

"I like coming to Grandma's House Daddy. . . It always smells like chocolate chip cookies!"

One reason secret family recipes are usually best kept secret.

"I dreamed that butter and sugar and eggs came back, and we all made cookies."

'I know for a fact my grandma never used propylene glycol monoesters, polysorbates, sorbitan monostearate and di-glycerides.'

CIA Cafeteria: 'It's nice of you to ask, but the recipe is classified.'

"It's an old family recipe - some flour and water, yeast, a little salt, mono calcium phosphate, polysorbate 60, calcium propionate..."

"Is it safe to assume that the meat is laced with antibiotics and the salad is chockfull of pesticides?"

Recipes from the Revised Senior Citizen Cookbook

We're sunk. Everyone's supposed to bring their Grandma's best dish to the potluck. Don't panic. Helen's Grandma was from Scotland. Yeah. But the Patakis cook Indian feasts. And the Mercantis still make 10 course Italian dinners. What was your Granny's specialty? Jell-o cube salad. Mmm ... sweet or savory?

"Hey, Mama!! Step it up!!!"

Amazing new parenting methods...No. 94, preventing obesity.

"...brisket ...recipe. Hide it."

An anxious knight stares at chef's knives embedded in a stone

"It seems an ungrateful and disrespectful monster has taken over Baldo's brain."

'Sign this non-disclosure agreement ? I'm going to use a secret recipe.'

"I'm going to my Grandma's on Thanksgiving to pig out...and also be thankful."

"Darling, Mother faxed her tuna-casserole recipe all the way from Ohio."

"You really like my arroz con pollo, huh?"

"Mmmmm, harissa dusted haricot vert. That sounds much more interesting than green beans with pepper powder."

Ghak Eisenthal invented the chicken fricassee.

Health care success #3

Healthy Eating.

"It says the box contains all the ingredients needed for a delicious chicken dinner."

'You dope. You bought Hamburger Helper, but this is lamb.'

'You mean we've all forgotten the formula for the secret liqueur?'

Osteo-pierogies

'I'd say he's tried Mrs Beeton's Recipe for a disaster.'

'...and we add a couple of drops of our secret, habit-forming ingredient to each order.'