Recipe Guardian Gifts

"No, Mother, I don't think Julian Assange is going to leak your recipe for fruitcake."

"...brisket ...recipe. Hide it."

How to cope with difficult questions from the media.

Come dine with me!

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

"Yo - I'm way overdone in here!"

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it 'Letter Rip!'"

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

'Men's cooking'

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

An Advance Visit From The Three Wise Men

"Was there a photo in the recipe book? I'd love to see what it's meant to look like."

Witches of Instagram

Cook in the cookery section.

'I never knew baking was such a violent activity. You have to beat the eggs, whip the cream, and mash the nuts.'

Seminal moments in Chicken History

Cook being told what to do by housemaid

"Tastes great, less killing!"

"I couldn't have made my family recipe raisin date nut cake with it's secret ingredient without Jimmy's help."

A man with a sign that reads "Secret of my chili $1".

"If you're such an expert, you cook the lobster next time."

"Well, there's your problem right there -- you need to sauté the onions in white wine before adding the ginger."

"Wait a minute- these are just the ten commandments of perfect mashed potatoes."

My old recipes have so many food stains they're practically scratch and sniff.

She found baking helped enormously.

"My compliments to Mummy!"

"You betrayed her trust. You added spices to her soup. In Tia Carmen's eyes, you are an irresponsible youngster...and I don't blame her for doing this."

Eve's Gourmet Apple Recipes (snake with apple in its mouth).

Never use a cookbook written by a mystery book author. You never know how things will turn out!