Recipe Guardian Pillows

"No, Mother, I don't think Julian Assange is going to leak your recipe for fruitcake."

"...brisket ...recipe. Hide it."

How to cope with difficult questions from the media.

Come dine with me!

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

"Yo - I'm way overdone in here!"

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it 'Letter Rip!'"

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

'Men's cooking'

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

An Advance Visit From The Three Wise Men

Cook in the cookery section.

Witches of Instagram

"Was there a photo in the recipe book? I'd love to see what it's meant to look like."

'I never knew baking was such a violent activity. You have to beat the eggs, whip the cream, and mash the nuts.'

Seminal moments in Chicken History

"Well, there's your problem right there -- you need to sauté the onions in white wine before adding the ginger."

"Tastes great, less killing!"

A man with a sign that reads "Secret of my chili $1".

"Wait a minute- these are just the ten commandments of perfect mashed potatoes."

My old recipes have so many food stains they're practically scratch and sniff.

Cook being told what to do by housemaid

'I've heard of cooking the books... but how did you rotisserie them and why?'

She found baking helped enormously.

"You betrayed her trust. You added spices to her soup. In Tia Carmen's eyes, you are an irresponsible youngster...and I don't blame her for doing this."

Eve's Gourmet Apple Recipes (snake with apple in its mouth).

"My compliments to Mummy!"

'Eggs, I'm cooking eggs!'

"It's good to see that... ...Tia Carmen teaching Gracie valuable family traditions passed down through the generations."