Tort Lawyer Gifts

'No. It's not a past girlfriend. I'm a tort lawyer.'

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

Campaign for Plain English

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"Well if I can't be a cowboy I'll be a lawyer for cowboys."

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

'You think I'm crazy; I think you're crazy...finally some common ground!'

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

'I request an postponement, Your Honor -- I have to study for my bar exams.'

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially when you're majoring in Law.'

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

'There they go - off on their own - and a finer bunch of fledgelings one couldn't ask.'

The Circular Logic of Fascism

'Hello, Acme signs? This is the Berger & Coles Law Office...'

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

I love Lawyers

Cat and dog at a will reading.

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

"Judgement Day: Division Four"