Torah Thumper Gifts

Biblical Jewish Medical Ethics

'Yes, all at once!'

Noah's life jacket demonstration

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

Moses as a child.

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

Moses' first encounter with the burning bush didn't go well.

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'Forty years! How come that other guy got away with forty days and forty nights?'

"First, do no ham."

Moses Parting the Red Tea

'You want us to cut WHAT off?'

"The manna tastes okay, but I'd feel better if I had a list of ingredients."

"When we get to the promised land I never want to even see a piece of mann again for as long as I live."

"Okay, we get it - You're a social conservative!"

'The plan is that we wander in the desert until somebody recognizes our right to exist.'

And Moses climbed the mountain, day and night, searching for some sort of sign from god when suddenly he saw it!

Safer Torah

"Still not sure why Moses wanted a flint knife, or what exactly circumcision is..."

Torah-nosaurus Rex

Torah reading on the subway.

'No, I'm not going to go back to ask for a little more wiggle room.'

"You can't beat a good bit of dung and bass!"

'No, sorry, this isn't an oil tanker.'

"Look, it's manna or nothing - No WAY He's going to give us ham sandwiches!"

'Why can't you rebel like a normal teenager?'

King Solomon

'Lot was told to take his wife and daughter and flee from Sodom.'

"Well, you weren't my first choice either!"

'I liberate them from Egypt, give them manna, daily bread, milk AND honey, and the can't even keep ten lousy commandments!'

'I'll let your people go, but NO dual citizenship!'

"A pillar of salt? Why, you poor, poor man."