Torah Thumper Pillows

Biblical Jewish Medical Ethics

'Yes, all at once!'

Noah's life jacket demonstration

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

Moses as a child.

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

Moses' first encounter with the burning bush didn't go well.

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'Forty years! How come that other guy got away with forty days and forty nights?'

"First, do no ham."

Moses Parting the Red Tea

'You want us to cut WHAT off?'

"The manna tastes okay, but I'd feel better if I had a list of ingredients."

"When we get to the promised land I never want to even see a piece of mann again for as long as I live."

"Okay, we get it - You're a social conservative!"

'I would describe it as a splitting headache.'

'The plan is that we wander in the desert until somebody recognizes our right to exist.'

And Moses climbed the mountain, day and night, searching for some sort of sign from god when suddenly he saw it!

Safer Torah

"Still not sure why Moses wanted a flint knife, or what exactly circumcision is..."

Torah-nosaurus Rex

Torah reading on the subway.

"You can't beat a good bit of dung and bass!"

'No, I'm not going to go back to ask for a little more wiggle room.'

'I thought the pop-ups would give it that extra punch. Whataya think?'

'No, sorry, this isn't an oil tanker.'

'Why can't you rebel like a normal teenager?'

"Look, it's manna or nothing - No WAY He's going to give us ham sandwiches!"

'I'll let your people go, but NO dual citizenship!'

'Lot was told to take his wife and daughter and flee from Sodom.'

'I liberate them from Egypt, give them manna, daily bread, milk AND honey, and the can't even keep ten lousy commandments!'

King Solomon

"Well, you weren't my first choice either!"