Torah Gifts

'Forty years! How come that other guy got away with forty days and forty nights?'

'Yes, all at once!'

Noah's life jacket demonstration

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

Moses as a child.

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

Biblical Jewish Medical Ethics

"First, do no ham."

'Whoa! - The activist judges will go NUTS with these!'

Moses Parting the Red Tea

'You want us to cut WHAT off?'

"Okay, we get it - You're a social conservative!"

"When we get to the promised land I never want to even see a piece of mann again for as long as I live."

'The plan is that we wander in the desert until somebody recognizes our right to exist.'

Safer Torah

And Moses climbed the mountain, day and night, searching for some sort of sign from god when suddenly he saw it!

Torah-nosaurus Rex

"Still not sure why Moses wanted a flint knife, or what exactly circumcision is..."

Moses Invents the Top 10 List: 'Whoa, whoa, whoa...trust me, that's waaaay too much information.'

Torah reading on the subway.

'No, I'm not going to go back to ask for a little more wiggle room.'

Benaiah questions the mighty men on who pushed him in the pit.

Haman as a child

'No, sorry, this isn't an oil tanker.'

'Why can't you rebel like a normal teenager?'

"Look, it's manna or nothing - No WAY He's going to give us ham sandwiches!"

'I'll let your people go, but NO dual citizenship!'

'I liberate them from Egypt, give them manna, daily bread, milk AND honey, and the can't even keep ten lousy commandments!'

Joshua as a kid

"Well, you weren't my first choice either!"