Torah Devotee Gifts

"When we get to the promised land I never want to even see a piece of mann again for as long as I live."

'Yes, all at once!'

Noah's life jacket demonstration

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

Moses as a child.

"Mark, you have to stop calling John's gospel 'Fan Fiction.'"

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

'Forty years! How come that other guy got away with forty days and forty nights?'

A man with butterfly wings flies off away from his previous shell of a body.

'Whoa! - The activist judges will go NUTS with these!'

Moses Parting the Red Tea

'Have you filed an environmental impact statement for this flood?'

'You want us to cut WHAT off?'

"Okay, we get it - You're a social conservative!"

'I would describe it as a splitting headache.'

'The plan is that we wander in the desert until somebody recognizes our right to exist.'

Safer Torah

And Moses climbed the mountain, day and night, searching for some sort of sign from god when suddenly he saw it!

'It's times like this when I ask myself, what would Oprah do?'

"Still not sure why Moses wanted a flint knife, or what exactly circumcision is..."

Torah-nosaurus Rex

Manna Helper

Torah reading on the subway.

'I thought the pop-ups would give it that extra punch. Whataya think?'

Samson Gets Off at Fourteen

'No, sorry, this isn't an oil tanker.'

'Why can't you rebel like a normal teenager?'

"Look, it's manna or nothing - No WAY He's going to give us ham sandwiches!"

'I'll let your people go, but NO dual citizenship!'

'I liberate them from Egypt, give them manna, daily bread, milk AND honey, and the can't even keep ten lousy commandments!'

King Solomon