Torah Devotee T-Shirts

"When we get to the promised land I never want to even see a piece of mann again for as long as I live."

'Yes, all at once!'

Noah's life jacket demonstration

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

Moses as a child.

"Mark, you have to stop calling John's gospel 'Fan Fiction.'"

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'Forty years! How come that other guy got away with forty days and forty nights?'

Moses Parting the Red Tea

'Whoa! - The activist judges will go NUTS with these!'

A man with butterfly wings flies off away from his previous shell of a body.

'Have you filed an environmental impact statement for this flood?'

'You want us to cut WHAT off?'

"Okay, we get it - You're a social conservative!"

'The plan is that we wander in the desert until somebody recognizes our right to exist.'

And Moses climbed the mountain, day and night, searching for some sort of sign from god when suddenly he saw it!

Safer Torah

"Still not sure why Moses wanted a flint knife, or what exactly circumcision is..."

'It's times like this when I ask myself, what would Oprah do?'

Torah-nosaurus Rex

Manna Helper

Torah reading on the subway.

Samson Gets Off at Fourteen

'No, sorry, this isn't an oil tanker.'

'Why can't you rebel like a normal teenager?'

"Look, it's manna or nothing - No WAY He's going to give us ham sandwiches!"

'I'll let your people go, but NO dual citizenship!'

'I liberate them from Egypt, give them manna, daily bread, milk AND honey, and the can't even keep ten lousy commandments!'

'Lot was told to take his wife and daughter and flee from Sodom.'

"Well, you weren't my first choice either!"