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"A pillar of salt? Why, you poor, poor man."

Moses's tablets read Buy One, Get One Free.

A small snooker player chalking his cue.

'Yes, all at once!'

Noah's life jacket demonstration

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

Noah's Ark/Single's Cruise

Moses as a child.

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

"...and the dung was this big!.... No...elephant, actually."

Adam and Eve Arrested

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

'Forty years! How come that other guy got away with forty days and forty nights?'

"First, do no ham."

'That looks tempting.'

'Maybe you should see an attorney if it was over somebody's head you broke the tablets.'

Moses Parting the Red Tea

'You want us to cut WHAT off?'

"When we get to the promised land I never want to even see a piece of mann again for as long as I live."

"Okay, we get it - You're a social conservative!"

'I would describe it as a splitting headache.'

'Our tuna salad baguettes are this big!'

Today's special guest: Rudy Park. Author of the bestselling memoir iMac Therefore I Am. Raised by rabid chimps in the desert, Rudy went on to invent the computer, and date Paris Hilton. Such an inspiring tale, young man. I made it all up. And so honest, too. Let me come clean!

"Hopefully, the 7-foot guy is on our side."

'The plan is that we wander in the desert until somebody recognizes our right to exist.'

Safer Torah

And Moses climbed the mountain, day and night, searching for some sort of sign from god when suddenly he saw it!

"Still not sure why Moses wanted a flint knife, or what exactly circumcision is..."

Torah-nosaurus Rex

Manna Helper

"God is out to get me."

Torah reading on the subway.

Samson Gets Off at Fourteen