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'Lot was told to take his wife and daughter and flee from Sodom.'

'Yes, all at once!'

Noah's life jacket demonstration

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

Moses as a child.

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

Joseph and his coat

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

"Remember if anyone there asks... We're all from one household!"

"...I'll send you for an amniocentesis."

"Plagues are old-school – we're going to hit you with sanctions."

"I guess that pretty well debunks the fruits and vegetables are good for you myth."

'Forty years! How come that other guy got away with forty days and forty nights?'

Moses Parting the Red Tea

Jesus makes water cooler water into wine.

'Whoa! - The activist judges will go NUTS with these!'

'Damn, we forgot to cancel the book of the month!'

'You want us to cut WHAT off?'

"When we get to the promised land I never want to even see a piece of mann again for as long as I live."

"Okay, we get it - You're a social conservative!"

'The serpent was rotten to the core, but the apple was delicious.'

'I would describe it as a splitting headache.'

Moses Before Pharaoh's Daughter.

First, the horses already boarded, and second, I know you're the Johnsons.

'I've got no idea either, but I bet you won't find two of them.'

'The plan is that we wander in the desert until somebody recognizes our right to exist.'

Safer Torah

And Moses climbed the mountain, day and night, searching for some sort of sign from god when suddenly he saw it!

"Still not sure why Moses wanted a flint knife, or what exactly circumcision is..."

"Welcome to the land of Nod, Cain."

'I don't know...where are you going to keep your mobile phone?'

"Ralph, have you noticed the other pairs are male and female?"