Torah Buff Gifts

'No, I'm not going to go back to ask for a little more wiggle room.'

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

'Yes, all at once!'

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

"It's the cat doc, he scares me."

Moses as a child.

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

Moses' first encounter with the burning bush didn't go well.

'If you plan to run a half-marathon you won't want a stopwatch, you'll need a calendar!'

The tortoise and the hare are in a shoe store trying on shoes in preparation for their race.

"Enough already! You’re depressing me!"

'Forty years! How come that other guy got away with forty days and forty nights?'

"The secret of our relationship? Easy. She just acts as if I don't even exist."

Biblical Jewish Medical Ethics

"First, do no ham."

'Your iceberg salad, Captain!'

Your relationship can thrive again but you've got to work on it. You've got to experience your feelings and express them. Amanda Kern. Comics counseling. Sadie, when Mort says that President Obama symbolizes a new era of hope and cooperation, how does that make you feel? Nauseated, insulted, disgusted by Mort's Pollyannaish wimpyness. Good, now say it to Mort. Here? In front of you?

Moses Parting the Red Tea

Oh my goodness, you're right - I've only been hiding from myself!

'You want us to cut WHAT off?'

"How long have you felt like a man trapped in the body of an alligator?"

"You're positive we don't need these notarized?"

"The manna tastes okay, but I'd feel better if I had a list of ingredients."

"Okay, we get it - You're a social conservative!"

"When we get to the promised land I never want to even see a piece of mann again for as long as I live."

'Let's set aside the role as the 'Bringer of Death' and explore your desire to dance,'

"If you guys didn't crack me up so much I'd have you committed."

'Hate is a pretty strong word. Are you sure you're not just lactose intolerant of your mother?'

'I would describe it as a splitting headache.'

"More than one person has claimed I've driven them to drink."

'The plan is that we wander in the desert until somebody recognizes our right to exist.'