Toothpaste Brand Warrior Gifts

'You heard me stranger! This town ain't big enough for two effective decay-preventin' dentifrices!'

Wifi in Hell

“...And on the ninth day God created mosquitoes, just to annoy the hell out of everyone.”

WiFi Signals

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

'This is your idea of hitting the local hotspots?'

"Come and get it!"

Toothbrush Romance

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

When cockroaches go unchecked.

Emotional Support Pest

Minion, I've noticed several of the patrons are working on their laptops, tablets and phones. Yeah, that's what people do in cafes, boss. Are you aware, minion, that states and municipalities regularly tax people who conduct business within their borders? I don't see why the state should have a monopoly on taxation. Do you, minion? Inform the patrons they've missed the cafe's April 15th filing deadline, so there will be penalties. If the government can be "We the People," Armstrong Maynard can b

'How am I going to get all this back in the tube?'

"And when the extended warranty kicks in, we send you a big can of new car smell."

"Wi-fi....Wi-fi...WI....FI!...."

A sign outside a bookstore reads: "Meet the people in the bookstore cafe staring at their laptops 2-4 p.m."

"I like it here but if Santa doesn't get better WiFi I'm getting a new job."

"My homework is not done because our home modem is tool slow for downloading the answers."

Thank You For Not Asking If I's enjoying My First Vacation in 20 Years.

Knights' Status Report: Rusted out, Metal fatigue, Popped rivets, Bad welds, Squeaky hinges, Dents and dings.

Things you forgot to tell me about getting older: "You're going to need bigger tooth floss."

"I'm afraid pretty much every esoteric company name is taken so we're left with 'Mugwump', 'Grungydink' or 'Buh'."

'Instead of a black belt, some of our older students, like Mr. Mertz here, prefer the black suspenders.'

"Sorry, Kevin, but having the wi-fi down for a couple of hour is not 'living off the grid'."

'It's only a slug Norman.'

'Internet access... internet access....'

"No internet connection"

I just realized how vulnerable I am to people who could hack my phone, my self-driving car, my tv, my garage door opener … So I bought a device called "Trojan Horse: that's supposed to protect me from all that. It connects to my wifi router. It monitors all my web traffic, all my connected devices, and ... well, I'm not exactly sure what it does, but it's supposed to keep the hackers out somehow. What did you say the device is called again? Now I don't worry about anyone hacking my toaster.

"Forget the table reservations. We found good seats and strong wifi at the bar and we're not moving!"

"I need a slower internet connection."

"The best thing is he works without WiFi or a data plan."

"OK, let's see. For starters, the guarantee only covers the muffler."

How M2M really works.

Genius Bar

"Please point out the problem tooth."