Tonsillectomy Recovery Gifts

You only get your tonsils out once. Milk it.

"Our war is against cancer."

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'He's been like this ever since he had his laser eye treatment.'

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

No caption. (Man wearing a cast is in traction. He imagines sheep lining up to jump fence. Sheep also wear casts.)

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

En garde!

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

"Hey, I got you a beautiful orchid to cheer you up until it turns into just a stick protruding from dirt."

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

Your heart is doing well with the pig valve we put in. Now, what was your question?

'It will be a difficult adjustment, but it doesn't mean you can't still live a full and rewarding life, say, in the library, or even a miniature golf course.'

"I just can't get over how well you look!"

'Henry had a successful animal organ transplant - isn't that right, Henry?'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

Well, the doctor said you have to wear it until you stop biting your stitches.

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?