Tonsillectomy Recovery Gifts

You only get your tonsils out once. Milk it.

"Our war is against cancer."

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'He's been like this ever since he had his laser eye treatment.'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

"Hey, I got you a beautiful orchid to cheer you up until it turns into just a stick protruding from dirt."

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

En garde!

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

"I just can't get over how well you look!"

No caption

'It will be a difficult adjustment, but it doesn't mean you can't still live a full and rewarding life, say, in the library, or even a miniature golf course.'

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

'Henry had a successful animal organ transplant - isn't that right, Henry?'