Toilet Wit Gifts

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

Fly fishing.

"So, Tom from accounting—you remember Tom, right? Anyway, Tom yells 'TMI, Gail!' Can you believe he said that?" "Textbook Tom."

"I've been having stomach problems. I sit on the bathroom for 30 minutes in the morning...and a half-hour in the evening."

'McWit, that's not what's meant by carbo loading.'

Don't Waste A Moment! Put Down That Magazine And Get Fit While You Sit!

Santa Claus Poops on the Chimney of the world.

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

Undertaker with 'light', 'done', and 'RIP' settings on his toaster.

Portalouvre

Revolving Doors Ltd. - 'He's in, out, in, out ...'

Backdoor

'If they don't want me drinking out of the toilet, what's this roll of napkins for?'

"Uh, I was drinking that."

"Won't be a minute Boss, just nippin' to the karzie."

"Do you have any idea who it is you're talking to?"

'Aside from being a jackass, is there anything else that would qualify you for a position in management?'

Child reading on the toilet is abducted by aliens.

'I wonder if they have any with water filters?'

Airbus

Train Of Thought

Jolly Roger Inn Toilets - has small parrot urinal on the wall.

'Why didn't you tell me there was a toilet attachment on our space suits?'

'Oh goody, chunky soup!'

'Never mind the fresh food nurse - at my age I need all the preservatives I can get!'

Cut A Rug

"Can we count on you to give our customers added value?"

'I'm gonna go.... Where no cow has gone before!'

Office talk: 'I deal with stress management the easy way, I let management get stressed while I take it easy!'

'Can my own tweets be used against me?'

'Holy shit!'

'I'm not naturally dense you know...Its taken years of practice.'

What Is This Crap?

'Cold today, isn't it?' - 'Yes, I actually saw a solicitor with his hands in his own pockets.'

"Being smart is great! I wish I was smarter! But I would never want to be a smart Alex. That would be annoying."