Toilet Wit Pillows

"This stool shall pass."

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

Fly fishing.

"So, Tom from accounting—you remember Tom, right? Anyway, Tom yells 'TMI, Gail!' Can you believe he said that?" "Textbook Tom."

"I've been having stomach problems. I sit on the bathroom for 30 minutes in the morning...and a half-hour in the evening."

'McWit, that's not what's meant by carbo loading.'

Don't Waste A Moment! Put Down That Magazine And Get Fit While You Sit!

Santa Claus Poops on the Chimney of the world.

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

Undertaker with 'light', 'done', and 'RIP' settings on his toaster.

Portalouvre

Revolving Doors Ltd. - 'He's in, out, in, out ...'

Backdoor

"Do you have any idea who it is you're talking to?"

"Uh, I was drinking that."

"Won't be a minute Boss, just nippin' to the karzie."

'Aside from being a jackass, is there anything else that would qualify you for a position in management?'

Child reading on the toilet is abducted by aliens.

'If they don't want me drinking out of the toilet, what's this roll of napkins for?'

'I wonder if they have any with water filters?'

Airbus

Cut A Rug

Jolly Roger Inn Toilets - has small parrot urinal on the wall.

'Why didn't you tell me there was a toilet attachment on our space suits?'

Train Of Thought

'Oh goody, chunky soup!'

'Never mind the fresh food nurse - at my age I need all the preservatives I can get!'

"Can we count on you to give our customers added value?"

'I'm gonna go.... Where no cow has gone before!'

'Can my own tweets be used against me?'

Office talk: 'I deal with stress management the easy way, I let management get stressed while I take it easy!'

'Holy shit!'

'Cold today, isn't it?' - 'Yes, I actually saw a solicitor with his hands in his own pockets.'

'I'm not naturally dense you know...Its taken years of practice.'

"In other words homogenius."