Toilet Paper Philosopher Pillows

'The newspaper reckons there's a shortage of toilet paper.' - 'What would we do without newspapers?'

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

'I know it's a bit unusual, but that's where he gets all the best ideas.'

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

"Hydro density appartus invention? Go away - I'm not disturbing his bath for that!"

Coronavirus: Consequences for the economy!

There's a Facebook group for everyone... "Even Toilet Paper Mummies!"

"I've been having stomach problems. I sit on the bathroom for 30 minutes in the morning...and a half-hour in the evening."

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

'Wow, look at all these prescription drugs that are out of date.' FLUSH 'Happy as clams explained.'

I break for toilet paper

'I take a cold shower every morning... right after my daughters have taken hot ones.'

"After being shorted on his bonus, Earl the maintenance man decided to remove all the toilet paper from the executive washrooms."

Have food. Need toilet paper

I've got a new theory, Randy, and it's going to shock the world. Why? Because it's pretty much irrefutable. You know how when you're in the bathroom, it feels like five minutes have passed … but to those waiting to use it, it feels like forever? Yes … And you know how when you're at the event horizon of a black hole, five minutes to you actually is forever to the rest of the universe? ... I think we'd better alert Neil Degrasse Tyson. I call it the Time Toilation Theory.

'Toilet paper, Lassie! Fetch toilet paper! Stupid mutt!'

Do what you can to flatten the curve

"No not the puppy please"

'It's been a rough day, my shirt button fell off, the handle of my brief case came off... I'm too scared to go to the bathroom!'

Everyone has a good novel inside them.

'If they don't want me drinking out of the toilet, what's this roll of napkins for?'

Creation of Adam

"To give him credit...normally I think these staff 'consultations' are a complete waste of time...but he's been in his office all morning working on our ideas."

I guess Grandpa was once a wise king, too. He always says he does his best thinking on the throne.

A new species just discovered in the Softwood Forest...The TP tree.

'I. Am. So. Embarrassed! How long have I been sitting across from him with that stuck in my teeth?'

Wash hand before making sound of one hand clapping.

Where history's best ideas happen.

"Hi, Honey, I went to that new wholesale store...and, boy, did I get a deal on toilet paper!"

The Thinker Thinks of Toilet Roll.

"I can't come out, Mary is having one of her marathon cries."

Prehistoric Graffito

'I see you approve of our switch to Ultra Soft.'

'Ecce homo!'

If toilets could talk