Toe-tally Funny Friend Pillows

Potatoes.

'My feet are killing me.'

"How should we divide the teams?"

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

A Punch and Judy Professor is visited by Death as a puppet.

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

"Do you know I fought an hour with that salmon you're eating."

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

'It's one of the less well known about dangers of a sedentary lifestyle!'

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

'Great! You mean it's obedience school prom season already!'

'You've got lot toe!'

"I'm leaving a one starfish review of this tank on Yelp."

'This is tasty and all, but do you really think this is a great idea considering we have hundreds of teeth?'

"Every five minutes it's 'feed me this, get me that' or something along those lines, I mean, I'm parrot-phrasing."

'Where's your goldfish?'

The perfect relationship

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

"Talking's ok but to me walking on your hind legs is simply taking anthropomorphism a bit too far."

"Don't get too excited. Getting a filling does not make you a cyborg."

'My god, he's insane.'

'According to this book, goldfish have a 3 second memory...'

"I enjoy younger guys, but they have to be house-broken."

'Did you know golf is the healthiest sport you can play?'

'Kevin, I'm sorry for losing my temper on the eighteenth. Ah I see they removed the flag alright.'

Extreme Weather Predicted in 2022

'Not that babysitter again! Better behave or she zaps you...'

"Isn't it time you had your bath?"

"Look who's moved in next door."

Fish golfing.

'Had I'd known it would be such a long walk I wouldn't have worn heels.'