Toe-tally Funny Pillows

'You've got lot toe!'

'It's the worse case of in-growing toe nails I've ever seen, nurse!'

'Sit, Rollover, Heel'

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

Potatoes.

Man eating his meal with his feet.

"You talkin' to me?"

'They're fine through the day, but when I leave work the little one goes 'wee wee wee' all the way home.'

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

'My god, he's insane.'

'You have mistle-TOE.'

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."

Corn and Bunion plants.

A Toe Jam with The Hang Nails.

An exciting online development for people with foot fetishes: Footbook.

'The wife and I have decided to nominate our weekly drink-free days as tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.'

Podiatry. If the frostbite was any worse we'd have to amputate. You just barely stayed out of the "toe away" zone!

'Had I'd known it would be such a long walk I wouldn't have worn heels.'

The untold wine-making process.

"If you're so sober, why ain't you rich?"

That's a nasty outgoing toenail you've got there.'

"Honestly, it felt like Dry January was never going to end."

Have you been eating people again, Gertie?

'Gloria can you help me look for my shoe? I think i threw one whilst I was charging about just now...'

'It's not his six toes he's upset about...it's being told it won't make him run any faster.'

A Volunteer Review

"He used to read him stories but now he just tells him how great he feels since he stopped drinking."

"I'm celebrating one year of abstinence from alcohol."

'Wrong address I'm afraid - I've been on the wagon for 25 years.'