Toe-tally Into Feet Pillows

'My feet are killing me.'

Sober Tooth Tiger

Wilfried Zaha

'You've got lot toe!'

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

Potatoes.

Man eating his meal with his feet.

Doctor to man with baseball player and footbal player on feet: 'You have a bad case of athlete's foot.'

'When you said you are a hammer-toe specialist . . .'

"Your rose dust gets into everything, and your caladiums attract toads; and another thing: your damn marigolds are stinking up the whole area."

'They're fine through the day, but when I leave work the little one goes 'wee wee wee' all the way home.'

'My god, he's insane.'

'Let's switch sides. My feet are killing me.'

Man sees door sign at Podiatrist's office: 'This Little Piggy Went to Market'.

'The wife and I have decided to nominate our weekly drink-free days as tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.'

'It's the worse case of in-growing toe nails I've ever seen, nurse!'

Aptitude tests point to a job in the wine industry for a young man with huge feet.

"I didn't know you were pigeon toed Bert"

"In my day, I've had men at my feet!"

That's a nasty outgoing toenail you've got there.'

"I'm sorry--I'm a left-foot podiatrist."

Riverdance school

'It's not his six toes he's upset about...it's being told it won't make him run any faster.'

'How did you know I have a foot fetish?'

"He used to read him stories but now he just tells him how great he feels since he stopped drinking."

'Don't forget! This next part has to be all your tippy-toes.'

'She's a foot fetishist. If you don't have twelve inches, forget it.'